Jokes...hope you get a giggle...
THIS SHOULD END ALL 3 BEARS STORIES
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table,
he looks into his small bowl. It is empty
"Who's been eating my porridge?!!", he squeaks.
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.
He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the
kitchen and yells, "For Christ's sake, how many times do we have
to go through this with you idiots?"
"It was Momma Bear who got up first,
It was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house,
It was Momma Bear who made the coffee
It was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away,
It was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning to fetch the newspaper,
It was Momma Bear who set the damn table,
It was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish,
and now you've decided to drag your sad bear-asses downstairs,
and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence.
Listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time.
>"I HAVEN'T MADE THE F****** PORRIDGE YET!!"
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new
chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was an Indian chief in a modern society, he had never been
taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold.
He told them that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
Being a practical leader, after several days, the chief got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the
National Weather Service, and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold, indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So, the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood, in order to be prepared.
One week later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?", he asked.
The man at the National Weather Service replied, "Yes. It's going to be a very cold winter."
Again, the chief went back to his people. This time, he told them to make sure and collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he went back to the phone booth, and called the National Weather Service, just to be sure.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?", he asked.
"Absolutely!", the man replied. "It looks like it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever!"
"How can you be so sure?", the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "Because the Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."
A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was
far from perfect, they got on very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if
he could arrange a divorce for him -"very quick".
The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: Have you any grounds?
POLE: JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms.
LAWYER "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No," he replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
LAWYER "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations are in Poland."
LAWYER: "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the
music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
LAWYER: No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?
POLE: NO, I'm always up before her.
LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?
POLE: NO, she white.
LAWYER: WHY do you want this divorce?
POLE: SHE going to kill me.
LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I got proof.
LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read - it says, "Polish Remover"