STANDARD WITH HUMOR
THE COLLIE can best described as an intelligent, courageous, beautiful elegant working show dog, with the style of a fashion model, the build of an Olympic athlete, and the brains of a genius, - all of which tell us nothing at all about the dog.
HEAD - The collie head is of great importance - without it the dog loses all expression, and bumps into things. Dogs without heads should only be shown under all-rounders - specialists tend to notice this failing.
MUZZLE - This is something else that all collies should have. It should start below his eyes and finish at his nose, and should not be too pointed, or the judge may mistake the dog for a Saluki, or too heavy and strong, in which case it might win the Golden Retriever Classes.
TEETH - Teeth should be white, and should not stick out too far, or in too much. If they get grey or dirty yellow, a mixture of sand and Ajax, applied with a wire-bruch will get them sparkling white in no time. It may make the gums bleed, but there is nothing in the standard about bleeding gums.
EYES - The eyes should be open, and there should be two of them. They should both look in the same direction. If they dont, train the dog keep them shut.
EARS - Again there should be two, one on each side of the head, but they should not to be too large that a gust of wind could lift him off the ground. Dogs with too small ears or no ears at all, may have difficultyin hearing.
NECK - The neck should be long, strong and arched, preferably at the head end of the body, as there is a proper misconception that the neck is meant to join the head to the body. Dogs without necks may suffer from malnutrition due to difficulty in transferring food from the mouth to the stomach region.
LEGS - The collie should have four legs, one at each corner.
They should be enough to reach the ground. If they don´t you have a problem. It is also desirable to have all four legs the same lenght, otherwise the dog will walk with a tilt. People who live on hillsides occasionally find that their dogs have two legs on one side a bit shorter than the other side. The only solution to this problem is to move to lower, flatter ground. At the end of each leg there should be a foot. Dogs with feet going in the opposite directions have a problem, as this is a very difficult fault to correct.
BODY - The body connects the front of the dog to the back. Dogs without bodies should not be shown or bred from. Dogs with bodies too low to the ground also have problems, especially nurising bitches.
TAIL - All collies should have a tail, and it should be at the opposite end to the head. For this reason it is marked with a white tip, to enable owners to differentiate between head-end and tail-end at feeding times.
TEMPERAMENT - The collie must never by shy, sullen or growly, except when the bill collectors come round. Biting a judge, even when justified as when being put in second place, is frowned upon. Biting stewards is quite permissible, however as these are normally replaceable.
COLOUR AND MARKINGS - The collie may be black, red, white, blue, yellow or any combinations of these colours, but it must be remembered that there is a bias amongst the judges, who keep putting up sable, black or grey ones, with white collars. However, if you have one of the other colours, wait until a specialist judge producing the same colour collies as your own is judging, as he will be an expert and recognise a good collie when he sees one.
DISQUALIFICATIONS - Any artificial means used to deceive the judge e.g. artificial limbs, false teeth, glass eyes, or glued-on coats (especially if this comes off on handling.) Also having one, when there should be two or three or none at all. Bitches should be trained to look unconcerned.
FAULTS - No Collie has any faults worth mentioning
With thanks to unknowing New Zealand author, and the YCC